What you'll get for a R50 Gee!

I haven’t blogged in ages - for no particular reason really, I just haven’t been inspired!  BUT yesterday an opportunity to write a post arose that was just too good to pass up!  I found a gem on my windscreen that fascinated me in more ways that I ever imagined possible.  I felt I had an obligation to share it with the rest of the world.

 

First of all, considering this Dr’s extensive repertoire of services, his R50 “Gee” is fairly reasonable. 

Secondly, who can resist going to a Dr who “is back with full help in 20 years’ experience.”  I mean, he doesn’t just offer help, he offers “full help” – bonus!

Below are some of the things he can help you with:

• Bring back lost lovers by using Lolo Duwa: I’m not that keen to bring back lost lovers, however, I am interested to know if Lolo Duwa is a person/place or thing.  If Lolo is a person and is able to bring your lost lover back – what stops Lolo from keeping said “lost lover” to her/himself??  Not sure Dr X thought about that!

• Come to borrow Kalunga to put money in your account, magic wallet, ring for money every day in your house: Where do I start with this one?  Is Kalunga a person?  Do we get to borrow him to help put money in our “magic wallet”? And speaking of a “magic wallet”, I would certainly pay a R50 Gee to get me one of those!  I’m not even going to try and figure out what “ring for money every day in your house” means.

• Get rich using short boys: Again – I can’t even go there.  That is just wrong on so many levels.  However, I am curious to know if I’d get rich using “tall boys”!

• Get your Salary twice and clear debts: Again, I’m curious; do you get your salary twice and then that’s it.  Because personally, I’d like to get my salary more than twice – ideally, 12 times a year, preferably 13! This would be a good example for Emma on the importance of using full sentences; there is a big difference between getting your “salary twice” (full stop), getting your “salary twice” a month, getting your “salary twice” a week… you get my point! 

• Claim your money that is taking long from anywhere (pension/accident): Clearly Dr X is not South African, because not even Lolo Duwa or a R50 consultation Gee is going to make any Government Dept work any faster than they have to.  If I was Dr X and was paid R50 Gee to help someone for this particular problem, I’d simply tell them what I tell my kids “ It will be ready when it’s ready”, the same applies to “we’ll get there when we get there” and “I’ll be done with supper when it’s done”

• Remove unwanted person in your life: Hmm… I think I could part with a R50 Gee for this one.  I’m just not sure if by “removing” he means permanently or temporary?  I mean a R50 Gee is not bad if the person is removed for good, but a little expensive if they are just going to be removed for a day or so?  Again, Dr X, you need to be a little more specific.

• 3 in 1 Enlargement cream for men: I’m assuming this means that the man has three things he wants to enlarge.  I was always under the impression men only want to enlarge 1 thing.  But maybe some want to enlarge the Frank..... and the Beans?  Who knows?

Like any good advert Dr X ends with the obligatory “but that’s not all…….”  In addition to the above services, this multi-talented man “works also on Bad Luck, Court Cases, Employment, Business & Many More” – in other words, he can help you with F%^&* everything!

Who knows, maybe Dr X knows his shit – I just READ his advert and got my blogging mojo back.  I think I need to contact him and tell him to add that to list of things he can (full) help you with!

High Tea... Finally!

On the 1st of November 2010 I wrote about the "H" in my journey... High Tea at the Nellie. Well it has only taken 2 years and a slight venue change, but I am happy to report that "High Tea" can now be ticked off my list.

My Friend With A Life (FWAL) decided to treat me to tea for my 39th birthday.  But true to form she decided that the 5 star Nellie just wouldn't cut it to celebrate the last birthday of my 30's and seriously who was I to argue! I mean let's face it, for those who know me, know that I am more of a 6 star person anyway.  So it was off to the One and Only for us! (Mount Nelson: This doesn't mean that you shouldn't contact me to compare "High Teas" - I would definitely be prepared to sample your petite fours!)

Part of the One and Only experience is having a valet park your car - unfortunately, their parking was full on this particular day!  The welcoming committee (ok, security guard) told us to park next door in a shabby little dingy PUBLIC parking area!  WTF? Did he realise who we were and where we were going???

But then we saw a couple in a fancy car (don't ask me the model - it was white and only had 2 seats, so I figured it was fancy) park in the next door parking and we decided if it was good enough for them, it was good enough for us.  Besides, I reckoned because we didn't get the FULL experience this time, it really just meant that we would have to go back another time so I could experience someone else parking my car!

Anyway, once we walked in, I knew I was home. There are moments in your life when you realise that you have found the perfect little spot where you were meant to be and for me it was the lobby of the fabulous One and Only. The pieces finally fit! I felt like a celebrity who has no African roots but sings the praises of returning to the "Motherland" - Africa. Well, the One and Only became my "Motherland" - yes, I was home.

To be continued.... cocktails, cupcakes and badly dressed wedding guests!