Cruise Competitions: Beauty and Brains Part 1 - Brains

I am living proof that you are never to old to compete in a) a general knowledge quiz with 1500 contestants (well give or take a few if we minus the gamblers, the late sleepers, the really doff, the uninterested and the drunk) and b) a "Beauty" pageant (and I use the term "beauty" very very loosely in this context).

On our first morning on the boat the Entertainment Dream Team announced there was going to be a quiz and "amazing prizes" could be won!  I had to enter - I mean "amazing prizes" on a cruise could only mean a complimentary cruise, an upgrade to a premier suite or at the very least free cocktails.  So I got my form and mentally prepared myself. 

The first question was read out and I wrote down my answer... this was going to be a piece of cake!  I was happily sitting on my lounger contemplating question 2 when out of no-where this overly friendly gentleman decided that he was going to be my quiz buddy and proceeded to plonk himself next to me. 

I don't have a huge problem with personal space and really don't mind when GOOD FRIENDS touch my arm etc when chatting to me.... but it felt a little weird when a middle aged man felt the need to squeeze my arm in anticipation of each new question and then slap my knee when he felt we answered it correctly!  Even more bizarre was that The Husband was sitting right next to me and his Missus in front of us.... anyway, different strokes! 

When all 10 questions were answered we perused them, changed one or two and handed in our sheet.  Neither of us thought "we' stood a good chance - the quiz was really really difficult.  Nevertheless with my name entered as the contestant, off our paper went and off my quiz buddy went to get cocktails.  Then suddenly they announced there were 4 finalist and "Bern" was one of them... all four finalists were tied on 7 out of 10.  At this point I must give my buddy credit, if it wasn't for him I wouldn't have know that there were 7 pillars of Wisdom - and with that answer correct I had managed to tie with 3 other brainiacs. So up I went.

For those who have been on a cruise or to any resort where there is an "entertainment team" you'll know that their main job is take the mickey out of any sucker silly enough to sit in the front row of a show or do well in a quiz!  So while walking up, the quiz master is saying (LOUDLY).. "hmm Bern, short for Bernice, Bernadine, Bernard?"  I wanted to politely say No, "Afrikaans Box" it's short for Bernadette.  But I held my tongue...  I didn't want to get into word fight with the entertainer.  I'd seen too many people try and take on the late Fiona Coyne on Weakest Link and they ALWAYS came off second best.

I also didn't want to draw too much attention to myself, which was hard since I was wearing a bright orange Melody pool towel and as we all know, Orange is SO last year!  Had a known I would be appearing on stage in front of hundreds of people, I would have slipped on a little black dress, some heels, put on some makeup or at the very least worn one of my specially purchased cruise sarongs!  Nevertheless there I was looking "mooi" in my bikini top and orange towel! FYI Orange is SO not my colour.

Me and the clever old toppies!

The finals were pretty tense and eventually 3 of us were tied on 3 answers each.... time for the sudden death round!  The first question I heard was "What is petit four" - I KNEW THIS... I shouted out that they are small little square cakes.  "No!" the quiz master said... I was devastated until I realized he had asked "What is "petit point" ! Clearly my mind had been at High Tea at the Mount Nelson... no matter, no-one else got it either! 

Then he asked "What's the Southern most state in America"... I KNEW THIS - I HAD BEEN THERE!  I shouted out Florida... No!  He said.  I was floored - WTF??  he asked the other contestants and when he got to the old dude he did a little hula dance and the chap croaked Hawaii!  So he won (I take it then that Florida is the Southern most state in the Continental USA??)

aaaagghh.. there went my prize!  My free Cruise, my upgrade, MY COCKTAILS!  But then I saw the BIG PRIZE was a MSC Melody wallet and I felt instantly better!!  Whose the loser now, Old Man!!

So I walked back to my lounger with my head held high and high-fived my Cruise Buddy, who was now lieing prone receiving treatment for shock from the ship's medic! 

The Cruise Bulge

I’ve blogged before about the little shits called calories that sew up your clothes at night, well let me tell you I’ve discovered there’s a particularly virulent gang of these bastards that operate exclusively on cruise ships. Well it’s either them or perhaps the fact that it is genuinely possible to eat your own body weight in food 5 times a day for 5 days while cruising and that’s gotta go somewhere!

I wish I could say that all the excess food was stored in my cheeks like a hamster, but alas it gets stored in other inconvenient places like the tum and the bum… in fact the only cheeks that this food decided to hide in were my ass cheeks. But no matter, my new year’s revolution is not to sweat the small (big??) stuff and just buy bigger clothes!  Some inside info; if you are looking to invest some extra bux, invest in stores like Donna Claire, Big and Tall and Outsize Outfitters because their shares are going to SOOOOOOAR!!!

When I left the ship a lady walking next to me commented to the person who was there to meet her that “the food wasn’t that great… it’s stuff she cooks and eats at home anyway!”  I had to agree with her; after all I also start my day with the choice between 3 different eggs, pancakes, omelettes, various cereals, ham, tomato, pork sausages, 5 different types of croissants, muffins and enough varieties of fruit to keep liqui fruit in business for a year!  More than that, every night at 12am I also lay out a pastry buffet for my family consisting of little milk tarts, cake, fruit sculptures, biscuits, petit fours, puddings from various countries  and ice-cream.  I mean who doesn’t?

Enjoying the Midnight buffet!

The midnight buffet fascinated me because in general 95% of the passengers would usually be asleep at this time when on land (considering the average age of the cruise was roughly 60!) But low and behold when the clock struck 12, there we all would be queuing up and piling our plates like we hadn’t eaten in days (when in reality we all ate about 4 hours ago).  But I wasn’t there to judge, I joined the queue and ate a plate of food at 12am like it was the most natural thing in the world to do!

Ah yes, it's 12:05am I had better eat!

“Food one cooks at home” – my cruise enhanced ass!  If the Melody served food we all cooked and ate at home there’d be toast and peanut butter for breakfast (with Marmite and Jam being optional extras at the beginning of the month).  Lunch would be toasted cheese (ham an option – again at the beginning of the month) and supper would alternate between fish fingers and chips, burgers and chips and braai!  Had this been the case on the cruise, I think Captain Michele Lombargadi and his kitchen staff would have had to deal with some serious mass action and we all know how vocal and spirited South African mass action can get.  Add to that some hungry men with a few toots in them and the Captain and his crew would have seen something REALLY special from his South African passengers! But in the words of the great Nelson Mandela “There is (was) no need.  For the Mass Action.  At all.”

But lucky for them (and us), fish fingers weren’t on the menu.  I would say almost every other conceivable food item other than fish fingers was.  It’s hard to explain the amount and variety of food that is served on a cruise – but take it from me – it’s a VAST amount and a HUGE variety! Anyone who says the food wasn’t that great and they cook that kind of food at home must have spent the cruise either high on anti-nausea meds, permanently drunk or was suffering from serious delusions caused by an extreme case of cruise sway!

So now back on terra firma… I need to once again work on getting myself “terra firma”!  I also need to somehow reset my internal appetite clock to not expect food at 12am, something it got used to surprisingly quickly! 

So thank you to all the wonderful chefs onboard the MSC Melody... your food was aggettivo delizioso! So all together now in Cruise tradition, wave your serviette in the air as you salute the Melody Chefs and loudly sing "Volare oh oh, Cantare, oh oh oh oh !"

 The talented Melody Chefs

 Our fabulous waiter Gusti from Indonesia

Eating Humble "Steve" Pie!

Life has finally returned to normal, well as normal as life can be as a working mom with 2 kids (3 if you count The Husband when he’s sick or after a bad day at work).  I am also over my ship sway (the cruising equivalent of jet lag) and no longer sway back and forth when in an upright position.  Now that all the cocktails I drank have been expelled from my system and my blood/alcohol ratio is once again at a level deemed appropriate for a 37 yr. old mom, I can continue blogging about my Cruiseperience.

There really is only one place to start and that’s with my man Steve Hofmeyr – S.A’s very own version of “The Hof”.  Without generalizing, I, along with the majority of English speaking South Africans have always considered Steve a bit of a joke – well actually that’s not true… I didn’t consider him a bit of joke, more like one helluva, big moersa joke! I mean really, who does he think he is?  I know many (and again I generalize) Afrikaans speaking people LOVE Steve and consider him the SA equivalent of a major rock star in the league of Mike Jagger et.al  . But really, who are we kidding, Steve is well, STEVE HOFMEYR – come on people!

Anyway… we heard via the Cruise Grapevine that The Hof was on our boat.  If it wasn’t for everyone (and I mean everyone except The Husband and I) taking pics of a scrawny blonde youth, which we later discovered was The Hof’s son, we would never have known that Steve was aboard.  But anyway, I then added “Spotting Steve” to my daily activities list. I eventually snapped him eating lunch… which really wasn’t that hard because let’s face it, it’s not like there’s a whole lot of places one can eat lunch on a boat, but I digress.

Steve does Lunch!

Our cruise consisted of predominantly (and again I generalize) people from the Northern Suburbs of Cape Town and for those who are not familiar with how Cape Town is divided, us in the North, live behind what is known as the “Boerewors Gordyn” (Boerewors Curtain).  Which roughly means that the North is considered “Afrikaans”, so since most of our Cruise came from the Afrikaans side of Cape Town – it stood to reason that 99.9% of the Cruise was “Hof BeF%k” – pretty much everyone except the Italian speaking employees and The Husband and I.

It later emerged that The Hof was actually on board as “an entertainment artist” and would be wowing us all with a show on Wednesday evening.  I was in my element; I mean who doesn’t enjoy a good comedy.  I relished the thought of watching “the show” and having a good chuckle and occasional cringe, because let’s face it, Steve IS cringe-worthy.  My mind was reeling with my good fortune and potential fodder for my blog.

The cruise was literally buzzing on the night of his show… people queued up outside the lounge for ages before it was time for the show!  I found this all really amusing and scoffed at all these musically challenged (clearly tone-deaf) groupies – I mean; they did realize it was Steve HOFMEYR and not Steven TYLER??  Anyway, friends of ours were fans, so they queued up early and “lucky” for us, we got a seat fairly close to the Rock Spider, I mean Rock God.

And then things took an unexpected turn… Steve, it turned out WAS actually pretty good.  99.9% of the boat weren’t so tone-deaf or musically challenged after all. So yes, I had to eat Humble Pie that night… well humble pie and pretty much everything else on offer at the mid-night buffet (but that’s a story for another time!) But humble pie it was for me and seriously, for me to admit that Steve was/is good, is really something.  Because if there was ever a “Steve Scoffer”, it was me!  I have never been able to take the dude seriously – I mean, really, he’s STEVE HOFMEYR for goodness sake!

But back to the show – it was good.  Steve is good.  Steve is funny.  Steve sings in tune.  Steve doesn’t take himself too seriously (well, that was no surprise, I mean I’VE never taken him seriously!), but the dude has a mean sense of humour and is able to integrate it so well into his show!  On more than 1 occasion he gave the middle finger to all those (like moi) who judge his lifestyle and gaggle of  children from high up on our pedestals. He jokes about his sexcapades, his many kids (and how they were conceived) and I say it again, the dude is seriously funny (and not “special” funny... I mean funny, HA HA”)

 Steve in Action!

But as we know Steve isn’t a comedian, he’s a “singer” (well that’s how I would have written it pre-cruise).  But after eating my humble pie, I am now forced to write “But as we know Steve isn’t a comedian, he’s a SINGER” and fyi, the dude can sing!  He can really (really) sing.  I mean even The Husband, who’s a die hard rock fan and considers Eddie Vedder the ultimate singer was tapping away to FM Stereo (fyi – one of Steve’s songs!). 

As a proud supporter of South African music (well of SA music like The Parlotones, Just Jinger, CrashCarBurn etc), for a moment there… my heart swelled with pride while watching Steve sing!  I almost felt embarrassed when Steve would say things like “and now I want to sing what is considered my most well-known/famous song” (I now know his singularly most recognised song is "Pampoen") and everyone cheered and went ballistic and knew every word and I sat there hearing this song for the first time thoroughly enjoying it!!!!  Where the hell have I been for the last 20 years and 23 CD's?

So, Steve, I apologise and along with all the other pastries I ate on the cruise, it was the Humble Steve Pie, I’ll remember most.  I will no longer laugh when people talk about Steve the Singer or Steve the Actor (yes people, he acts too…. Remember Doug Durand??) – but now I’ll be able to add “and he’s damn funny too” to the conversation! 

Steve might have been singing for 20 years, but it took 1 night being stuck on a boat, with no-where else to go for him to convert this cynic to a SUPER SIZED STEVE SUPPORTER!  His song "Liefling" with Patrizio is a goose-bump fest.... A.M.A.Z.I.N.G!!!!

 

P.S.  If I did watch rugby and needed a team to support – I’d be forced to choose The Bulls, because then I’d be able to loudly (and proudly) sing “Ek skreeu nie Vrystaat nie, ek is n bull!”

P.P.S. I also plan on investing in his latest CD “Duisend en een” – how scary is that!!  (FYI, my fav songs on that CD - Juliet, FM Stereo and In Ewigheid)

An extract from his Bio on his Official Steve Hofmeyr Website: "It takes a very gifted person to achieve lasting success as an actor, singer, songwriter, polemicist, presenter, poet, writer, activist, blogger in any country. South African superstar Steve Hofmeyr is one of those rare talents, undoubtedly one of the hardest working and creative artists in South Africa, whose schedule is never too crammed to not stop and share a word or smile with a support."  I couldn't agree more!

Things I Learnt while Cruising

I am back on terra firma and must now get used to starting my day with coffee rather than the obligatory cruise "cocktail of the day" - funny how quickly one gets used to 12am snacks and 6am cocktails!  But nevertheless its back to the real world for me... this realization hit me rather quickly when a 7 course meal didn't miraculously appear at 7pm last night (our first night home).  Worse still was when I went to bed it wasn't "turned down" and ready for me to slide right in.  However, the biggest jolt back to reality was when I came home after doing some shopping on my first day back to find that the magic domestic ship fairy that had made my bed and tidied my room had (for some completely unknown reason) not followed me home  - WTF???

There was so much to see and do during our 5 days on the Melody that I spent most of my time trying to figure out how on earth I'm going to blog about it all.  So after much thought and consideration I decided to scale it down to the 10 most important things I learnt on the Cruise.  As a teaser this post will merely list the Top 10 .... with more juicy details to follow over the next few days!

10 Things I Learnt While Cruising (in no particular order of importance... sorry Steve)

1.  Regardless of age, race, sex, religion, educational background, opinion on birth-control or infidelity, South Africans are fascinated by Steve Hofmeyr (our cruise guest artist).

2.  Being drunk on a cruise is a good thing - the drunker you are, the straighter you walk.

3.  You're never too old to be a finalist in a Pageant - even if the pickings are slim and the criteria very very (very) relaxed.

4.  It's never too early for a cocktail or too late for a snack.

5.  It is possible to eat your own body weight in food 5 times a day for 5 days!

6.  There is somebody in the world whose first name is "Fried"  - he's Namibian and works for Walvis Bay Tourism.

7.  It helps to have a famous dad - even if that dad is Steve Hofmeyr.

8.  If your girl friend is barely out of nappies and you are at an age when you once again need to wear one at night - the age gap IS too big.

9.  Couples who dress alike look like morons no matter how many nautical miles out at sea you are.

10.  There are men who go on cruises JUST to look at birds... and for once it WAS the feathered variety... WTF???

... more details on all the above to follow!

All aboard!!

C is for Cruise

I’m going on a cruise.  I’m going cruising.  This time next week I’ll be out on the open sea.  No matter how many times I say it, I don’t get tired of using the word “cruise”.  In fact, I am going to try and wangle it into every sentence from today until I leave!

 I don’t want much in life, but for as long as I can remember all I’ve wanted to do is a) go on a cruise and b) go to an Island.  And now, low and behold, I’ll be sailing out into the horizon ON MY 37^th birthday! I am going on a CRUISE!

But even more exciting than this (if there can be anything more exciting right now) is the fact that I need to use my passport!  TaDa…. Finally I get to use my Passport!  This is a very big deal for me, I last used a Passport in 1992 (I was 18 years old).  My last Passport (as most of you know) expired without a single (SINGLE) stamp in it!  But this baby, my 2020 expiring Version is about to get its first (and definitely not last) stamp….. and it’s barely 2 months old! Thanks Bellville Home Affairs for your efficiency (oh and my very own Government Shuffler and her queuing skills), because without these 2 vital components we might not be able to put a “check” next to the all important “Do you have a valid Passport?” question. Cruise!

But even more exciting than this (yes it gets better), is that we got a really good deal on this cruise, so we’re saving some money (even though we are flying babysitters down form East London to look after the offspring – yip we are actually doing that). 

But back to the money….. since we are saving money, I figure the money we are saving can now be spent on getting me “Cruise Ready”.  The Husband doesn’t understand this logic.  He says why don’t we just save the money, smile that we got a good deal and move along swiftly.  But this is typical male logic.  It don’t work that way, Buddy.  In between all the last minute things that must get done (did I mention school starts smack in the middle of our CRUISE), I now need to purchase Cruise Wear, get Cruise Hair – I’m thinking natural looking sun-streaked highlights (I’m done counting and pulling out my “Beautiful White Hairs” as the Government Shuffler calls them), obviously I need a mani and pedi, a facial wouldn’t hurt and since I plan on spending all 4 days lying out on the deck soaking up the sun… I’d better throw in a Cruise Wax – with so many areas that need waxing, it might just save some time and have them dip me in a vat of wax all at once! 

                       One of the Pools on the Melody - pic taken from www.starlightcruises.co.za

In between all this, I need to buy and mark school supplies.  But I figure, that can wait.  The GS has 11 years of school left, there’s plenty of time to make it up to her if I send her to school on her first day without books, pencils etc.  I only get to go on a Cruise once.  No-one ever died from not having all their stationary there on the first day! Mamma’s going CRUISING!

Talking about being Cruise Ready involves acquiring whimsical nautical Cruise Wear, a necessity right now because I have a small wardrobe situation.  I have just returned from a 4 week holiday and as usual all my clothes have shrunk… So I’m thinking it’s either the East London water OR those pesky little things call Calories.  Now Calories are sneaky little buggers who apparently break into your cupboard at night and actually sew up your clothes – they particularly like the area around the hips, bum and thighs!  These little buggers don’t just sew up 1 pair of jeans, they’ll actually go through your clothes and sew up every one of your favourite “must wear” items.  Sometimes they are really spiteful and sew up the tummy area of your clothes – just for fun.  Little f&*(^ers! So needless to say I’m off to find myself some nautically inspired froks tomorrow and perhaps even a jean pant or 2!

Have I mentioned I’m going on a Cruise?  While I’m getting myself Cruise Ready it has occurred to me that with this deal our accommodation definitely isn’t going to be on the Premier Deck, our room number won’t start with “Executive Suite …” and I’m pretty sure that even though we are out at sea… there ain’t going to be a sea view for us!  I’m pretty comfortable that our room will have no natural light, a bed might fall from behind the door once we close it, the shower might be over the toilet and The Husband and I could be sharing a single bed (or simply take it in turns to sleep at night), but none of this matters.  I don’t plan on spending much time down in the bowels of the boat, I’m going to be doing, seeing, trying, tasting, drinking, experiencing, EVERYTHING there is to do on the boat.  Bingo?  I’m there!  Read in the Cigar Lounge – there!  Spend the money we’ve saved at the Casino – as good as done! Watch anorexic looking women parade around on a stage in skimpy outfits – there like a bear!  In fact if it’s on offer… I’m going to give it a try! I’m going on a Cruise people, I’m not going to swan around and pretend that the experience is old hat – I’m going to race around like a kid in a candy store – It’s going to be as obvious as a pimple on your nose that this is my FIRST CRUISE!

The Melody (the gorgeous ship that will be hosting us) has specially organised this particular cruise to leave on my Birthday…. They were also generous enough to organise a stop in Walvis Bay so that I am able to use my Passport – thanks Starlight Cruises (www.starlightcruises.co.za) So the way I figure it is this is a 4 day party for me attended by 1500 total strangers (well 1499 strangers – I know Ruth’s Mom who is also going on the cruise.)

This will be my last Blog because as you know, I’ll be on a Cruise for 4 days, starting on Monday! But I’ll be sure to fill you all in when I get back and will definitely post a pic of the all important stamp that I’ll be getting!

I’m going on a Cruise baby!

New Year's Revolutions... Cont!!

Revolution 4:  Exercise

This was a toughie.  I mean there are so many options out there.  Do I join a gym?  Do I continue with my Nia classes?  Walking? Cycling?  Swimming? Zumba? I was exhausted just thinking about it.  But I finally managed to come to a decision that I think will work for me and it is definitely a revolution I’ll be able to keep (unlike some of you who’ll be all gung ho with your resolutions and then they’ll be shelved come the middle of January).  So with regard to exercise, I’ve decided to take this approach… it’s simple, it keeps my options opens, I don’t need to commit to just one thing and I don’t need to organise babysitters.  So this year when I feel like exercising, I’m simply going to lie down and wait for the feeling to go away.  Think outside the box people…. Think outside the box!

Revolution 5: Get more Sleep

It’s recommended that one gets between 6 and 8hrs of sleep a day.  So, I figure since I wake up early (5am)… I can have my coffee, do some housework (yeah right!), get the kids ready for school and then go back to bed for a 2hr power nap.  Then when I get up, I can do the rest of the housework (??), have some coffee and then have a quick 1hr snooze before I fetch the kids from school.  After lunch and homework, I can probably squeeze in a 2hr slumber before I finish the housework (!!), make supper (ha ha) and get The Husbands slippers and pipe ready in time for him to work through the door.  Even though this is only about 5hrs of sleep a day, I figure it’s not too bad since I go to bed around 9pm and will get my 8hrs of recommended nightly zzzz’s anyway.  So I’m pretty sure I’ll be getting enough sleep in 2011.  Revolution 5 will be a synch. Besides at my age it’s important to get all the beauty sleep you can get!

Revolution 6: Eat More Fruit and Vegetables

This was initially tricky… I mean I do eat a lot of veggies, but I had to figure out how I could eat MORE!  So I looked at my day to figure out where I could fit in more fruit and veg and then it came to me…. Cake!  Eating cake would allow me to increase my fruit and veg intake.  I drink a lot of coffee (a lot) and often meet friends to discuss very important worldly matters over a steamy cup of Java.  So I figured, whenever I drink my coffee, I’ll add some cake.  Carrot Cake, Lemon Meringue, Cheese Cake with Raspberry Coulis (For the uninitiated a Coulis is a  thick sauce made of pureed fruit or vegetables!), Apple Pie, Banana Bread, Pineapple Upside Down Cake, the list is really and truly endless!  Eating more fruit and veg in 2011 is going to be a treat… literally!

So that’s it folks…. My 6 Revolutions for 2011!  For the first time ever, I have a feeling I am going to be able to see these babies through to the end of the year!  Here’s to a good 2011 wearing clothes that fit, sporting a six pack (in each hand!), surrounded by beautiful people (all relaxing on couches), in various stages of slumber while periodically eating cake made with fruit and veg!  2011 is going to be a GOOD GOOD year!

New Year's Revolutions!!

I’ve been on holiday.  It’s rained. I’ve had no ADSL. I’ve slept in about 12 different beds (fyi... my back is $%^&ing sore!). I’ve washed more dishes in the past 3 weeks than I did in the whole of 2010…. In short, I’m ready to go home.

BUT, it dawned on me, that I still hadn’t shared my New Year’s Revolutions with the world… yes, REVOLUTIONS, because folks, these “Revolutions” were just too big and too powerful that I had to rename them.  For those of you who may have once again listed simple New Year’s Resolutions, you might want to sit tight, because what you are about to read below might just blow your mind and change your life forever. I can almost guarantee you, you’ll be rethinking your “Resolutions” when you’re done reading this!

2011 New year’s Revolutions

Revolution 1: Fit into my Clothes

Ladies, you’ll be pleased to know, I have found a sure-fire way to make this happen and it doesn’t involve stapling your stomach, swallowing a tapeworm or eating a certain cereal for breakfast lunch and supper. In fact it’s so simple I can’t believe no-one has thought of it sooner… I mean really, after all the years spent on every diet known to man (and woman!), the answer is almost laughable.  So this year, in the wonderful year of 2011, to ensure that I fit into my clothes, I am going to do one very simple thing – buy BIGGER clothes!  Yes folks, it’s that simple.  Buy bigger clothes.  In fact, not only do you get to wear clothes that actually fit you, you also get to wear the season’s new fashions!  I mean, who wants to wear last season’s clothes??  So buying bigger clothes means you are actually saving money because you are killing two birds with one stone… you’ve gotta think ladies! 

Revolution 2: Drink Less

Sadly as age is creeping up on me I’ve realised that I’ve got to drink less – a whole lot less.  I just don’t handle “the drink” like I used to.  But although age has screwed me when it comes to drinking, age does mean I’m wise and have more than just a few working brain cells (well, I have a few good brain cells that weren’t destroyed by 4 years of student debauchery). But my (almost) 37 year old brain has managed to work this out; I currently drink Savannah light (3%) alcohol.  So on a good night if I drink 4, I have a 12% alcohol buzz.  BUT now my revolution is to drink less, so … thanks to SAVANNAH DRY (6%)….. I need to only have 2 (drinking less already) to STILL get a 12% buzz – not just a pretty face people – not just a pretty face!  Added to that, drinking less, is going to save me money… 4 Savannah lights vs. 2 Savannah Dry’s and the same BUZZ – BONUS…… I did so not waste 4 yrs of Drinkaversity education.

Revolution 3: A Six Pack

Previously this would have been a toughie… a mean acquiring a six pack is hard.  Previously I would have had to choose between Savannah Light, Hunters Dry, Archers Aqua etc etc… its just so simple now – Savannah Dry it is! Acquiring a six pack has never been easier. (Now if I can just get The Husband to work on his “papsak”, we’ll all be in business).

Revolution 4: Surround myself with Beauty

Being surrounded by beautiful things makes one feel good.  There is so much ugliness in the world anyway, that during 2011, I plan to surround myself with only beautiful things.  Nataniel (my new guru) once said life is too short to be friends with ugly people and I agree.  Life IS too short to be friends with ugly people.  So from now on, I’m going to surround myself with beautiful people and no, I don’t mean “beautiful on the inside”, “kind and caring” and “those with nice personalities” – I really mean BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE.  Shallow?  Yip.  But hey, at least I’m honest, if you’re ugly I’m deleting you off my cellphone and defriending you from Facebook. Life is short people… way too short to be friends with ugly people!

... laptop about to die…. Post to be continued!