Hormones, Skinny Jeans and Rosemary's Baby!

It had to happen; there is no longer just 1 hormonal woman in the Beckley household.  The Government Shuffler (like Snow White) has 7 new friends - Irrational, Teary, Moody, Irritable, Cheeky, Volatile and my personal favourite Dik Bek.  Up to now, these 7 visitors socialised almost exclusively with me.  Mind you, thanks to meds, Irrational seems to have become a bit like the jailed uncle everyone loves, but nobody talks about.

As an introduction let me just explain my most recent visit from Irrational and Teary.  A few days ago The Husband found me sitting on the bed with Teary.  He asked what was wrong (has he NOT learnt anything in the last 10 years???).  I said I had nothing to wear (nothing fits) but of course since Irrational was also visiting I added that I was also tired of not having space in my cupboard for my clothes. 

This was a little too technical for the Husband (it was early after all) – he wasn’t sure what the EXACT problem was – did I have clothes or didn’t I?  And if I didn’t have clothes… where did the space problem come in.  WTF???  Was he NOT listening….. I HAVE A CUPBOARD OVERFLOWING WITH CLOTHES THAT DON’T FIT DAMMIT – THEREFORE, I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR AND NO BLOODY SPACE!!  At this stage I think Volatile and Moody also decided to join the party. 

So having recently had my share of crazy visitors, I was a little unprepared when they started visiting the GS.  She woke up on Saturday and I immediately realised Dik Bek had slept over.  Dik Bek was soon joined by Teary and Irrational.  We were under attack – the Hormone Brigade were all systems go and closing in fast!  By this stage, I decided to invite Gat Vol to join the party (it was inevitable).  I needed to sort this situation out once and for all.  So I sat the psycho 2^nd Grader down and in a calm controlled manner said that there was only one way to solve this problem – Cake and Retail (C & R) Therapy.  DUH!

Ja, ja – I know, Oprah would have had a happy cadenza (and then joined us for cake!) and Dr Phil, would tell me to get real – but hey, they weren’t dealing with the 8yr old version of Rosemary’s baby.  So with Teary and Dik Bek in tow, the GS and I got into the car and did some pretty impressive low flying to the mall.  The only thing worse than dealing with the spawn of satan at home is trying to deal with it in the confines of a moving automobile. There is no easy way to escape! 

Now, granted the handling of this situation won’t put me in the running for “South Africa’s Next Top Model Mother” (Thanks Tyra) but come on girls, a little cake and retail therapy never hurt anyone.  Or did it?  While trying on skinny jeans (GS) and control top underwear (me) – I suddenly realised that maybe C & R Therapy wasn’t such a good idea after all.  Come to think of it, wasn’t that how I ended up with an overflowing cupboard full of clothes that don’t fit??????  Ooops!

But a good time was had by all.  Armed with bags of snazzy clothes (GS), sensible undergarments (me) and tummies full of Wimpy waffles (both of us) and coffee (me) – we headed on home.

Aaaah...life is good again - after cake and shopping!

When we got home, I was a little surprised to find the locks had been changed and we now had an extra security door – but I nevertheless persevered and eventually managed to get in to the house – with a little help from the Cape Town Fire and Rescue Service. Once inside, I had to coax the Husband out from under the bed and eventually managed to talk Josh out of the cupboard.  I convinced them that Chucky’s Bride was in a better mood and that the modelling show was about to begin – featuring the GS at least. 

I, on the other hand, decided not to subject the boys to even more trauma - seeing me in my control top undies and support bra, might just have pushed them over the proverbial edge!

Bring on the Government Shuffler’s teenage years!!