I have no patience when it comes to dumb people. There are people in this world who need a filter permanently attached to their mouths to prevent them from saying dumb things. Just like life is too short to be friends with ugly people, life is way too short to have to engage with dumb people.
What got me thinking about this was the tail end of a conversation I heard on the radio recently. I think it was a comedian who was saying he can’t understand why the person sitting next to him on the plane will ask him where he is going too. He’s like, well, we’re on the same plane BUT, my seat is going to eject somewhere over Kimberley, while you continue on to Joburg! That made me think of all the dumb things I have heard in my lifetime! Here are some examples of what people say and the responses I’d like to give if I wasn’t so damn polite!
1. “Are you getting Coffee?” No, I’m actually going to the toilet, but I thought my coffee mug would be lonely at my desk, so I brought it with.
2. “Is it raining outside?” No, I always carry a wet umbrella.
3. “Did you get caught in the rain?” No, I ran through the sprayers outside, I like coming to work looking like a drowned rat.
4. “Did you cut your hair?” (This is especially annoying when the length of your hair has gone from being at your waist to above your ears) My hair is short? WTF??
5. Neighbour: “You going on holiday?” No, I don’t like leaving my clothes at home during the day, so every morning I put them into suitcases and pack them into my car. Same goes for the body boards, bikes and cooler box.
6. Cashier: “Don’t you have 20c?” Yes I do, I just don’t want to give you my change, I like collecting change. There is nothing better than a wallet bulging with a whole lot of coins.
7. (You bump into a friend in the Doctor’s consulting rooms) Friend: You here for the Doctor? No, they have good coffee here and it’s free.
8. Message on home phone: “It’s me; I’ll phone you on your cell.”
9. (You bump into a friend at the movies) Friend: “You watching a movie?” No, I just like the smell of popcorn, so I come here for my daily fix.
10. “Did you break your arm?” No, I just woke up and my arm was immobilised in hard white plaster.
11. (you bump into a friend at aftercare) “You picking up your child?” Nope, I don’t like mine at the moment; I’ve decided to see if there’s another better behaved child here I can take home instead.”
12. ( I don’t smoke, but I’ve heard people say this when they see someone walking to the door with ciggies in their hand) “You going out for a smoke?” No, I’m going to see how many of these babies I can shove up my ass during the next 10min.
13. Lady at the Fitting Rooms “Do you want to try these on?” No, I actually want to steal them. I’m hoping to hide them in my bag once I close the curtain.
14. “You running?” (While dressed in running shorts, shirt, an official race number and standing with 11 000 other people on the road at 5:00am) What, me Running? No, I thought this was the queue for the Woolies summer sale.
15. Receptionist “Are you here to see Dr XYZ?” No, it’s just hot outside and since you’ve got an air con, I thought I’d take a quick break in here.
16. Colleague (who wants to talk about work while you are eating lunch at your desk - during lunch break.) “Am I disturbing your lunch?” Yes, go away.
17. “Are you on the phone” (This said while the cell phone is glued to your ear and you are frantically explaining something to the person on the other end) No, I just like to keep the phone at my ear IN CASE someone phones, you idiot.
So next time you talk to me, THINK BEFORE you speak because one day, I’m going to remove my PPF (Polite Patience Filter) and tell you to stop wasting my freaking time!
No comments:
Post a Comment