New Year's Revolutions!!

I’ve been on holiday.  It’s rained. I’ve had no ADSL. I’ve slept in about 12 different beds (fyi... my back is $%^&ing sore!). I’ve washed more dishes in the past 3 weeks than I did in the whole of 2010…. In short, I’m ready to go home.

BUT, it dawned on me, that I still hadn’t shared my New Year’s Revolutions with the world… yes, REVOLUTIONS, because folks, these “Revolutions” were just too big and too powerful that I had to rename them.  For those of you who may have once again listed simple New Year’s Resolutions, you might want to sit tight, because what you are about to read below might just blow your mind and change your life forever. I can almost guarantee you, you’ll be rethinking your “Resolutions” when you’re done reading this!

2011 New year’s Revolutions

Revolution 1: Fit into my Clothes

Ladies, you’ll be pleased to know, I have found a sure-fire way to make this happen and it doesn’t involve stapling your stomach, swallowing a tapeworm or eating a certain cereal for breakfast lunch and supper. In fact it’s so simple I can’t believe no-one has thought of it sooner… I mean really, after all the years spent on every diet known to man (and woman!), the answer is almost laughable.  So this year, in the wonderful year of 2011, to ensure that I fit into my clothes, I am going to do one very simple thing – buy BIGGER clothes!  Yes folks, it’s that simple.  Buy bigger clothes.  In fact, not only do you get to wear clothes that actually fit you, you also get to wear the season’s new fashions!  I mean, who wants to wear last season’s clothes??  So buying bigger clothes means you are actually saving money because you are killing two birds with one stone… you’ve gotta think ladies! 

Revolution 2: Drink Less

Sadly as age is creeping up on me I’ve realised that I’ve got to drink less – a whole lot less.  I just don’t handle “the drink” like I used to.  But although age has screwed me when it comes to drinking, age does mean I’m wise and have more than just a few working brain cells (well, I have a few good brain cells that weren’t destroyed by 4 years of student debauchery). But my (almost) 37 year old brain has managed to work this out; I currently drink Savannah light (3%) alcohol.  So on a good night if I drink 4, I have a 12% alcohol buzz.  BUT now my revolution is to drink less, so … thanks to SAVANNAH DRY (6%)….. I need to only have 2 (drinking less already) to STILL get a 12% buzz – not just a pretty face people – not just a pretty face!  Added to that, drinking less, is going to save me money… 4 Savannah lights vs. 2 Savannah Dry’s and the same BUZZ – BONUS…… I did so not waste 4 yrs of Drinkaversity education.

Revolution 3: A Six Pack

Previously this would have been a toughie… a mean acquiring a six pack is hard.  Previously I would have had to choose between Savannah Light, Hunters Dry, Archers Aqua etc etc… its just so simple now – Savannah Dry it is! Acquiring a six pack has never been easier. (Now if I can just get The Husband to work on his “papsak”, we’ll all be in business).

Revolution 4: Surround myself with Beauty

Being surrounded by beautiful things makes one feel good.  There is so much ugliness in the world anyway, that during 2011, I plan to surround myself with only beautiful things.  Nataniel (my new guru) once said life is too short to be friends with ugly people and I agree.  Life IS too short to be friends with ugly people.  So from now on, I’m going to surround myself with beautiful people and no, I don’t mean “beautiful on the inside”, “kind and caring” and “those with nice personalities” – I really mean BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE.  Shallow?  Yip.  But hey, at least I’m honest, if you’re ugly I’m deleting you off my cellphone and defriending you from Facebook. Life is short people… way too short to be friends with ugly people!

... laptop about to die…. Post to be continued!